and here's the pitch

This is juvenile. Petty. Ridiculous. Beneath me.

And still, when I get a call from her to coordinate a pick up time for this evening, and I hear that they're at a baseball game, it bothers me. She's not a sports fan, especially not baseball, whereas I am The Only Sports Fan I Know in Portland™ and an avid fan of the game. It's one of the sure-fire Dad-kids bonding activities. And somehow I feel that for her to take them to a game is encroaching upon my territory.

Don't misunderstand - moms can take kids to sporting events. It's not about sex or gender roles, it's about interest, and she doesn't have any. It's never been part of her relationship with with the kids, but it is most certainly part of mine. I've been sitting here, alone all weekend having a spectacularly bad time and she's out engaging in just the kind of thing I'd love to be doing with them. It stings. It feels like a slap in the face, and just the kind of thing she knows would bother me. It's made worse by the fact that I had to take her to the last ticketed activity we went to so she would feel included, even had ask an old friend to get me an extra comp for my future-ex, who then didn't even show up on time for the extra-special added bonus the old friend arranged. It was bloody awkward.

I think the other part of this is that I've been planning to take them back to Chicago in late July. Going to a friend's wedding (my daughter's godfather, actually), seeing all my family that the kids really don't know. We haven't been back since 2004. They have a ton of aunts, uncles, cousins there. It's been hard to plan financially, and my parents are helping out. The kids were getting excited about it. A plane trip, family - cool! And then last week she booked a trip to fucking Florida - for the week before I take them to Chicago. Chicago's a great town, but it's hard to compete with the beach. They'll be exhausted from the red eye flights she booked, get one day off in Portland and then back on a plane for another cross country journey. Thanks, hon, for undermining my efforts. Much obliged. 

I'm sorry. I know this post takes the blog down a couple levels, maybe a lot of levels, on the sympathy meter. I needed to put it out there to help myself understand what was bugging me. Go about your business, don't mind me.